I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we're making bets on your personal life
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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