So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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