Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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