why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
did i just pee glitter
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
