all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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