My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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