Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
