I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
