ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
