So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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