I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
