Are we in a gay sports bar?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
