so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
