I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
