the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
