so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
me + whiskey = a bad person
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
