soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
