my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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