Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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