When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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