last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often