Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
