Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
