is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
