I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And then he peed in my hair
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