I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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