It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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