the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
