Your dad touched me again.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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