Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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