So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you traded sex for a burrito?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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