The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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