I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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