one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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