oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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