Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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