Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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