this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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