I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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