im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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