I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
