just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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