im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize