Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
