Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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