You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
