How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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