i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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