It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
