Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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