dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
