when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
