I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize