my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
