Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
