Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
