Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
