Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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