Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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