He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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