I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
